He sits quietly
Kicking his legs that swing two feet from the ground
His hands folded inward
As if protecting both chest and stomach

I ask him what he waits for
And he smiles
"Not what" he says "who".

So I ask "who are you waiting for"
And the smile turns into fear
Fear of eternal wait with no answer.

<>He says “I’m waiting for him to come home,
He went to school one day and never came back,
But I know he’s coming back”

<>I slapped him straight off of his watchtower
I told him not to wait for anyone <>

I said “You are alone
And no matter who you think you have
you will always get chills in the middle of the night <>

That trembling sensation begins at the stomach
And violently shakes its way up

It will always manage to bring us to our knees.

It always swells our eyes and ties up our throats

Makes us weep.

And we survive this alone

Help is only temporary

Nothing is ours but our minds

You can’t be sensitive or vulnerable

Only show what you want others to see

Don’t get too attached to anyone

He lied to you

Made promises of always standing at your right side

Told you that nothing was impossible.

He lied to us and left

He left that day and never came back

No matter what anyone says to us

We will always be alone”

I looked at the little boy on the floor

Took a single breath after my sermon

And watched him wipe a dried cement tear from his right eye

He stood up

Dusted himself off

Adjusted his flannel shirt tucked into his brown corduroy pants

And approached me

Innocent youth stuck in one place for twenty years

Even though everything happened yesterday

It was yesterday his brother went to school

Yesterday this little boy sat to wait

He didn’t see the sick wailing faces

The long red carpet leading to a mahogany closed casket

He didn’t see dirt climbing over the casket

He didn’t see my agony and self destruction

In every day that followed

That innocent, stupid, naïve little shit

Just sat and waited and nothing else happened.

He then stood in front of me with a look of extreme pitty

Held my hand in his,

Pulled me down towards him

And with one flick of his middle finger

Racing away from his thumb

He sent me flying head first off of his watchtower

I landed on dry cracked stone

Broken and confused

He stands over me

And with the gentlest voice says

“My waiting is the reason you’ve survived.

I wait because I can see him in the place

Where horizon meets twilight

Where the road ends and infinity begins

So just relax and do your job,

I’ll stay here

On my watchtower

And wait for us

To get closer to him”