Today is one of those days again. It has been a while but today just proves that life isn't consistent on the good. Well last night was a cool night. I was a bit mellow in the begging of the night and then I opened myself up and had a great time. I got a free anthology for taking money from people who were paying 17 bucks per book. The book was really selling itself. I sold about 5 copies before the features even began. How cool is that. At the end of the night there were 12 out of 15 books sold for a total of $204. How dope indeed. Feels great to sell so many books but it really wasn't me this time. Not even a bit. People came to me with money in hand.
After Res as usual and I enjoyed the company of a lot of dope people who love me and see me as I joy and pain. Some notice when I pain, everyone else gets fooled by the act. The Facade. And by this I just mean the ability to hide feelings. Ya people that think that I am easily read as what you see, Continue thinking that. Like Pacino said in Devil's Advocate, the best trick is to fool everyone, can't let them see you coming. Just like old Lucifer. They never saw him/her coming.

I had an amazing adventure on the ride home and loved every moment of it. The train has been a friend to me for years, and it is wrong of me to even think about abandoning it. The train is always there for me, comforting me, letting my mind free, without ever trying to stop me from being me. My train is a friend. My train doesn't fail me, doesn't judge me, doesn't abandon me, might be faulty at times, but I understand that none of us are perfect. I don't care about stupid fare hikes or service delays, they all fit in at one point or another. I don't mind walking or waiting, they all help me understand. It is hard to explain what exactly I understand, but sometimes it is as easy as the realization that I love myself, and love who I am. I know that there is room for improvment and I always strive for it, but even with that knowledge I love who I am. I love the way people smile. When I have the small power to create a smile, even with something stupid, then I feel good. If a comment that I make that may be out of specific direct context can make people smile and laugh AT ME and call me a name or two, I take the smile and leave everything else behind. I can get carried away, and in my personal opinion I have improved in many ways, but I still know when to stop. I learn and am learning and I love me, and will continue to find newer ways to love me by educating myself on everything else. I am weird and love it.
So what I do crave acceptance, but I will not compromise myself for it. Thank you Subway for reminding me what pride feels like.

Fuck a disclaimer!