Frustration takes over me when I don't have anything to write. I love
writing and I don't want it to feel like an obligation. I don't want to
feel as if I have to write a new piece for the next whatever. Whenever
I do that, my words usually suck major ass. Instead I will not sit
with a pen and try to write. I will wait till the words beckon for me.
When they flood my hand and explode with real creation. I feel better
audience response when I let it happen naturally. I might of thought
that it was not possible but you all feel my words and know when they
are not mine. You all know when I try to hard and when it came out
through real inspiration. My latest poem, "Platform Plea" has gotten
awesome response, and it’s a poem that I thought no one would want to
hear. I did it for me and only me. I love words.

Valentines Day was uneventful. I worked about 19 hours. I felt lonely
but kept occupied. I had a few people around me that day that made the
day sort of tolerable. Friends who make me lattes, and friends who
bring me food, and more coffee. People who just stop and talk before
they retreat to their apartments. Even some who I'm-ed me with awesome
advice during the day. I am grateful for everyone who made my day go bye
so much faster.

Sunday I slept without an alarm clock, for the first time since the 2nd
of Jan. It felt great. Bonofide's party was pretty cool. "Cousin"
played a hot set, and I was able to play a few rounds of practice
dominoes. I can't wait till spring lets me sit in front of the video
rental store across the street from my mother's house with the, old and
middle aged Dominican men who ask me if I brought a six pack, or a
bottle of brugal or barcelo. The men that tell me that a boy like me
has no place playing a mans game, and give me dirty looks as me and my
partner make them leave the table and make space for the next victims.
I miss that.
But getting back to Sunday, bonofide's performance was great. And
breakfast afterwards was fun. I had fun with a car full of hecklers.

The party plans are coming alone nicely and everyone reading this should
have gotten an e-vite. If you are reading this and have not gotten one
then either scroll down, go through my archives, or send me an email at
elgrande190@yahoo.com .

Monday. Wow what a day Monday was. Oscar's feature was incredible; I
saw a side of him that I have never seen on stage before. I guess I
know him as a host and have only heard about 4 of his pieces prior to
Monday's reading. Going second on the open mic, it was the first time I
read outside of the blue ox bar. I was a little nervous but all the
familiar faces made me feel at total ease. The open mic was cool. The
secret feature was exhausting. I don't think I am at the place where I
should criticize anyone but the whole reason I felt that I could read my
first time is that I thought that there were many people who sucked more
than I would, so if I still feel that people suck sometimes, I shouldn't
feel guilty. But I still do, and I still think that a few people suck.
I know I missed the whole lost in space generation but that poem was
lost in time, and lost in talent. I guess that's a little harsh but it’s
the honest truth.

Right now as I right this I am at the city collector’s office trying to
pay real estate taxes. I have a number that seems to be the last number
ever to be called and I am very very hungry. But I am sure that missing
a few meals isn't gonna hurt me. Especially if I plan to wear my tight
pants that everybody else seems to despise. I love them though. Lol.
It’s just what I like, and as long as I can fit in to them I will
continue wearing the shit out of them. Lol. Yeah I guess that enough
for now, but I'll be back if I think of anything else to write.