Death sucks, it really does. My bosses' wife's body was found in the
river after she was missing for 3 weeks. Suicide might be the hardest
death to deal with. How does a daughter come back from that? It's a
life long plague. Poor girl, she is starting school next semester and
she has to go away to Georgetown. I wonder how it will effect her
studies. It will be hard leaving her father alone in the city after
what happened.
It reminds me of my youth. On a few occasions my mother would lose it
and it was up to me to make sure that she didn't take her life. I
remember her blacking out and going back to the day of my brother's
death. Bringing her back to the present was exhausting. I pondered
death by my own hands for some time I was in the second grade when I
first tried it. I now know that it will never be an option in my life.
Never. When I was young my mother almost convinced me that I was really
depressed. She used it as an excuse for the way I have felt. I slowly
came to the realization that I didn't need therapist and pills to be
alright. They were just there to tell me that I had problems not to
give me resolutions. I never had more than 5 visits with any one
doctor, because I quickly learned to tell them what they wanted to
hear. They think they can help but are usually more screwed up than
their clients are. They are all quacks. I love life.
I realized it right after high school. I want to live. If I found out
that it wasn't worth it at the end, I will die cursing everyone, but I
will know that I at least tried. So far I think that as tragic as my
life might as been it is better to live than not to. I love living; it's
pretty cool. Feels great to know that no matter how bad things are I
will always conquer bad times. Always.
I am manic, but I am not depressed. I get down at times but that is as
normal as using the restroom. It is impossible to be always happy and
content. Just gotta know how to deal with it. To all my friends who
read this; you are all valued and needed by me. Life is great and it is
better when you share bits and pieces of it with people like you. Thank
you. Come to my house on Saturday and help me celebrate life. Poetry
is art; art reflects life, let's live through tears, words, and smiles.